Jokers Park

Africa Jungle Puzzle

2009-06-09T10:57:00.001-07:00

Imagine you are in Africa . You have been tied hanging on a tree with
a rope anchored on the ground, a candle is slowly burning the rope,
and the lion is waiting for you to drop and be his lunch.

Your survival hinges on the rope staying intact, there is no one
around to help you. What to do now ............

write your answer before your scroll down....
Scroll down for answer...
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Sing a Happy Birthday song.
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Shared by Nitin Matte

Peace & War

2009-06-07T06:50:00.001-07:00

Love Story In CD Store

2009-06-02T23:02:00.001-07:00

There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once. So he asked his mother and she gave him permission.

He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.

She looked up and asked, "Can I help you?"

She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.

He said, "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD."

He picked one out and gave her money for it.

"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.

He nodded and she went to the back.

She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.

So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...

!!!RRRRRING!!!

The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"

It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."

The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.

Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.

It said: Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

The mother opened another CD...

Again there was a piece of paper. It said:

Hi... I think you are really cute. Do you wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn

Always open the gifts from the person you love even though you don’t need it

Dead Alive

2009-06-02T22:51:00.001-07:00

Osama Bin Laden or words “Dead Alive” ?

Scared Building

2009-06-02T22:47:00.001-07:00

Why English Is Hard To Learn?

2009-06-02T10:53:00.001-07:00

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Error 404: Road Not Found

2009-05-31T09:50:00.001-07:00

Love Or Hate

2009-05-31T09:43:00.001-07:00

Check the Mirror Image

Bishop's Gift

2009-05-31T09:39:00.001-07:00

Once a church had fallen upon hard times. Only five members were left: the pastor and four others, all over 60 years old.

In the mountains near the church there lived a retired Bishop. It occurred to the pastor to ask the Bishop if he could offer any advice that might save the church. The pastor and the Bishop spoke at length, but when asked for advice, the Bishop simply responded by saying, "I have no advice to give. The only thing I can tell you is that the Messiah is one of you."

The pastor, returning to the church, told the church members what the Bishop had said. In the months that followed, the old church members pondered the words of the Bishop. "The Messiah is one of us?" they each asked themselves. As they thought about this possibility, they all began to treat each other with extraordinary respect on the off chance that that one among them might be the Messiah. And on the off, off chance that each member himself might be the Messiah, they also began to treat themselves with extraordinary care.

As time went by, people visiting the church noticed the aura of respect and gentle kindness that surrounded the five old members of the small church. Hardly knowing why, more people began to come back to the church. They began to bring their friends, and their friends brought more friends. Within a few years, the small church had once again become a thriving church, thanks to the Bishop's gift.

Why We Split Up

2009-05-31T09:30:00.001-07:00

She told me we couldn't afford beer at $25.00 a case anymore. Too bad, but I would have to quit drinking.

Then the next day I caught her spending $65.00 on a tiny bottle of make-up.

I asked her how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the make-up to look pretty for me. I told her that wasn't necessary, that's what the beer was for!

Besides, my beer was 40 bucks cheaper.

I don't think she's coming back…

Got Any Grapes

2009-04-05T09:35:00.000-07:00

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the ducks that no, his bar doesn't serve grapes. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and says, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him that, no, the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes, and, furthermore, will never serve grapes. The duck, a little ruffled, thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender begins to yell: ''Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ever ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!''

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, ''Got any nails?''

Confused, the bartender says no.

''Good!'' says the duck. ''Got any grapes?''

Rules of Life - Maintain a Youthful Spirit

2009-04-05T09:32:00.000-07:00

How Many Points Would You Score?

2009-04-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

We sat around the table trying to decide who was the best candidate for the job. Mary felt Sam should get the job. "Just look at his education," she said to Mark and I. "Based on his resume, he has the knowledge to do the job".

"But Mary look at Ellen. Her references said she is a hard worker, and, from the interview, you could tell she works hard. That is what we need here. Someone who is not afraid of a lot of work," exclaimed Mark.

I sat and listened to Mark and Mary debate over who was the best candidate for the job. Then they turned to me and said, "What do you think Kate? Is it knowledge or is it a hard worker we need for this job?"

"Both are important but there is one thing you are both missing," I said. They both looked at me like I was crazy. I explained by saying, "Knowledge is certainly important, but knowledge can be learned. And working hard is important. But if a person just works hard but they fail to see things that could be improved or fail to see a smarter way to work rather than just working and working, than that won't help us."

I could tell by the look on their faces that they wished they had not asked me to sit on this interview. We had been interviewing for 3 days now and they had narrowed it down to the two candidates that we were discussing. Now, here I am saying that it was neither of these candidates!

"I think Ruth would be the best candidate for the job." They looked at each other, but I held up my hand in protest and said, "Hear me out before you say anything. My reason for picking Ruth is because of her attitude."

"Attitude", both Mary and Mark said at the same time! "Yes, attitude," I replied.

"Let me explain. Ruth has good education credentials, and I agree that her credentials are not as good as Sam's. And Ruth's answers to the interview questions showed she would look for ways to improve how she performs a job rather than just working and working. The one thing that impressed me the most was her attitude. From the reference checks, it confirms that she has a positive attitude and influences those around her. We need someone who can look at how and what we are doing, someone who will question the why and someone who will look for solutions."

I could see that Mark agreed with my thinking, but Mary was still impressed with Sam's education. "Mary, you can teach anyone the theory, but you can not teach someone the right attitude." Mary sat for a minute and thought about this. Finally, she replied, "You know Kate listening to you reminds me of my grandmother. She once showed me something that I had forgotten about. As you were talking, it flashed in my mind. Let me share my grandmothers way of thinking with you."

She stood up and went to the flipchart, and start writing the alphabet. Mark and I exchanged looks but let Mary continue.

She explained, "If you numbered the alphabet it would look like this."

She then proceeded to write on the flip chart,

A...B...C...D...E...F...G...H...I...J.....K...L...M....N....O
1...2....3....4....5...6....7....8...9..10..11..12. 13...14...15

P....Q....R....S....T.....U....V....W....X....Y....Z
16..17..18..19...20...21...22...23...24...25...26

She continued to write on the flip chart:
K = 11
N = 14
O = 15
W = 23
L = 12
E = 5
D = 4
G = 7
E = 5
Total 96 points

H = 8
A = 1
R = 18
D = 4
W = 23
O = 15
R = 18
K = 11
Total 98 points

A = 1
T = 20
T = 20
I = 9
T = 20
U = 21
D = 4
E = 5
Total 100 points

I was surprised when she was finished. I had never seen this done before. I suddenly realized I no longer had to explain to Mary the importance of attitude; her grandmother had done that for me. We all laughed and all agreed that Ruth was the successful candidate for the job!

You can work hard, you can have excellent educational credentials, but how many points would your attitude score?

Liquor Changing Direction

2009-04-05T09:30:00.000-07:00

Winning Nobel Prize

2009-04-04T09:35:00.000-07:00

A man is driving down a country road, when he spots a farmer standing in the middle of a huge field of grass. He pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that the farmer is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

The man gets out of the car, walks all the way out to the farmer and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you doing?"

The farmer replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks the man, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who are out standing in their field."

Rules of Life - Help Thy Neighbors

2009-04-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

The Mouse Trap

2009-04-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package.

What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose."

So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well; she died. So many people came for her funeral; the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

The next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage and help one another.

Joining Own Pictures

2009-04-04T09:30:00.000-07:00

Praying for a Bike

2009-04-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

A little boy wanted $100 to buy a new bike, and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a check for $5.00. He thought that this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read:

Dear God

Thank you very much for the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, they deducted $95.00 for themselves.

IF And WHEN

2009-04-03T09:31:00.000-07:00

IF and WHEN were friends. Every week they met and had lunch. Their conversation usually centered on all the things they were going to achieve. They both had many dreams and they loved to talk about them.

This particular Saturday when they met, WHEN sensed that IF was not in a great mood. As usual they sat at the table reserved for them and ordered their lunch. Once they placed their order, WHEN questioned IF. "IF what is wrong with you? You don't seem your usual cheery self?"

IF looked at WHEN and replied, "I'm not sure, I just don't feel like I am making any progress. This last week I saw a course I wanted to take if only I had the time to take it."

WHEN knew exactly how IF felt. "Yeah," replied WHEN, "I too saw a course and I am going to register when I get enough money together." WHEN then said, "well what about that new job you were going to apply for. You were so excited about it last week, did you apply?"

IF responded, "If my computer didn't break down last week, I would have applied. But, my computer is not working, so I could not type my resume."

"Don't worry about it IF, when you are ready another job will come through. I have been thinking about looking for another job also, but I will wait and when the weather gets nicer I will look then." WHEN then went on to tell IF about his week, hoping that it would cheer him up a bit.

The man at the next table couldn't help overhear WHEN and IF. They both were talking about when this and if that, finally he couldn't take it anymore. "Excuse me gentlemen," the man said. IF and WHEN both looked at the man and wondered what he wanted. The man continued, "I'm sorry, but I couldn't help hearing your conversation. I think I know how you could solve your problems."

IF smiled and thought, how could a complete stranger know how to solve all of their problems. If only he knew. When he realized the challenges they faced there was no way he could solve their problems! Curious, IF asked the gentleman, "How do you think you can solve our problems?"

The gentleman smiled and said, "You only need listen to yourselves. It reminds me of an old proverb:
'If and When were planted, and Nothing grew'."

IF and WHEN looked puzzled. The gentleman smiled and said, "Start counting how many times you use the words 'if' and 'when'. Rather than thinking 'if and when', start doing, take action, stop talking about 'if and when'."

IF and WHEN both looked surprised, and suddenly realized that what the gentleman had said was so true. Both of them were guilty of thinking, acting and living their life for the "ifs and whens". The gentleman left and IF and WHEN's conversation changed. They made a pact that when they met for lunch next week, there would be no "ifs and whens"; they would only talk about what they accomplished!

Drawing Own Legs

2009-04-03T09:30:00.000-07:00

Rules of Life - Share with Others

2009-04-03T02:59:00.000-07:00

Flying Directions

2009-04-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

A helicopter pilot is flying to Seattle, and hits a pea-soup-thick fog bank. He’s completely disoriented, and flies blindly around until he spies the top few floors of an office building. He pulls up real close to it, and gets the attention of a woman sitting at her desk.

“Excuse me!” he yells to the woman. “Where am I?”

“You’re in a helicopter,” she replies.

The pilot pulls off sharply to the left, takes one or two crisp turns through the dense fog, and then does a perfect blind landing at the Seattle-Tacoma Airport.

“That was amazing!” says a passenger. “How did you know from that woman’s answer where you were?”

“Easy,” says the pilot. “Her answer, while correct, was absolutely useless.

So I immediately knew the building had to be Microsoft Tech Support.”.

Rules of Life - Keep Genuine Smiles

2009-04-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

A Gift of Love

2009-04-02T09:31:00.000-07:00

"Can I see my baby?" the happy new mother asked. When the bundle was nestled in her arms and she moved the fold of cloth to look upon his tiny face, she gasped. The doctor turned quickly and looked out the tall hospital window. The baby had been born without ears. Time proved that the baby's hearing was perfect. It was only his appearance that was marred.

When he rushed home from school one day and flung himself into his mother's arms, she sighed, knowing that his life was to be a succession of heartbreaks.

He blurted out the tragedy. "A boy, a big boy...called me a freak." He grew up, handsome for his misfortune. A favorite with his fellow students, he might have been class president, but for that. He developed a gift, a talent for literature and music. "But you might mingle with other young people," his mother reproved him, but felt a kindness in her heart.

The boy's father had a session with the family physician. Could nothing be done? "I believe I could graft on a pair of outer ears, if they could be procured" the doctor decided. So the search began for a person who would make such a sacrifice for a young man. Two years went by. Then, "You are going to the hospital, son. Mother and I have someone who will donate the ears you need. But it's a secret" said the father.

The operation was a brilliant success, and a new person emerged. His talents blossomed into genius, and school and college became a series of triumphs. Later he married and entered the diplomatic service. "But I must know!" He urged his father. "Who gave so much for me? I could never do enough for him."

"I do not believe you could," said the father, "but the agreement was that you are not to know...not yet." The years kept their profound secret, but the day did come . . . one of the darkest days that ever pass through a son. He stood with his father over his mother's casket. Slowly, tenderly, the father stretched forth a hand and raised the thick, reddish-brown hair to reveal that the mother had no outer ears.

"Mother said she was glad she never let her hair be cut," he whispered gently, "and nobody ever thought mother less beautiful, did they?"

Real beauty lies not in the physical appearance,
but in the heart.

Real treasure lies not in what that can be seen,
but what that cannot be seen.

Real love lies not in what is done and known,
but in what that is done but not known.

Dog Held Back With Collar

2009-04-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

Difference Between Before And After Marriage

2009-04-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

After the marriage just read the above lines from bottom to top

Rules of Life - Pursue Achievable Goals

2009-04-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

The Emperor and The Seed

2009-04-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you."

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here after one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!"

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But honest about what happened, Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right. He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "What great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!" All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

So be careful what you plant now, It will determine what you will reap tomorrow, The seeds you now scatter, Will make life worse or better, your life or the ones who will come after. Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits, or you will pay for the choices you plant today.

Butcher

2009-04-01T09:30:00.000-07:00

Mouse In Lion's Party

2009-03-31T09:35:00.000-07:00

A lion held a party at his place, He invited only his fellow lions. The lions were dancing when a mouse also came in and joined them.

The host lion came to the mouse and asked him why he entered the party when the other species were not invited.

The mouse said, "I was also lion before i was married."

Woman’s Dream Car

2009-03-31T09:32:00.000-07:00

Convert Weakness To Strength

2009-03-31T09:31:00.000-07:00

This is a story of one 10-year-old boy who decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident.

The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training, the master had taught him only one move. "Sensei," the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?"

"This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the Sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the Sensei took the boy to his first tournament. Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the Sensei intervened. "No," the Sensei insisted, "Let him continue."

Soon after the match resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard. Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament. He was the champion.

On the way home, the boy and Sensei reviewed every move in each and every match. Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind. "Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?" "You won for two reasons," the Sensei answered. "First, you've almost mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo. And second, the only known defence for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

The boy's greatest weakness had become his greatest strength.

Dancing Women

2009-03-31T09:30:00.000-07:00

Cigarette Lighter

2009-03-30T11:09:00.000-07:00

Hunting Flies

2009-03-30T11:05:00.000-07:00

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

What are you doing? she asked.

He responded, Hunting flies.

Killing any? She asked

Yep,” he replied. “3 males, 2 females.

Intrigued, she asked: How can you tell them apart?

He responded, 3 were on a beer can…2 were on the phone.

Courage

2009-03-30T11:03:00.000-07:00

I Wanted To Change The World

2009-03-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.

I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.

When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town. I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family. My family and I could have made an impact on our town. Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world."

--By Unknown Monk, 1100 A.D.

Smile .. Wait For Flash

2009-03-29T05:35:00.000-07:00

Praise the Lord

2009-03-29T05:28:00.000-07:00

A preacher trained his horse to go when he said, "Praise the Lord," and to stop when he said, "Amen". The preacher mounted the horse, said, "Praise the Lord" and went for a ride.

When he wanted to stop for lunch, he said, "Amen".

He took off again, saying, "Praise the Lord".

The horse started going toward the edge of the cliff. The preacher got excited and said, "Whoa!". Then he remembered and said, "Amen", so the horse stopped at the edge. The preacher was so relieved that he looked up to heaven and said, "Praise the Lord!"

Read Out Loud

2009-03-29T05:13:00.000-07:00

Let me Love you

2009-03-29T05:04:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a guy who was very much in love with this girl. This romantic

guy folded 1,000 pieces of paper cranes as a gift to his girl. Although, at that time he was

just a small executive in his company, his future doesn't seemed too bright, they were very

happy together. Until one day, his girl told him she was going to Paris and will never come

back. She also told him that she cannot visualize any future for the both of them, so let's

go their own ways there and then... heartbroken, the guy agreed.

When he regained his confidence, he worked hard day and night, slogging his body and mind

just to make something out of himself. Finally with all these hard work and with the help of

friends, this guy had set up his own company...
"You never fail until you stop trying." he always told himself. "I must make it in life!"

One rainy day, while this guy was driving, he saw an elderly couple sharing an umbrella in

the rain walking to some destination. Even with the umbrella, they were still drenched. It

didn't take him long to realize those were his ex-girlfriend's parents. With a heart in

getting back at them, he drove slowly beside the couple, wanting them to spot him in his

luxury sedan. He wanted them to know that he wasn't the same anymore, he had his own

company, car, condo, etc. He had made it in life!

Before the guy can realize, the couple was walking towards a cemetery,and he got out of his

car and followed them...and he saw his ex-girlfriend, a photograph of her smiling sweetly

as ever at him from her tombstone... and he saw his precious paper cranes in a bottle placed

beside her tomb.

Her parents saw him. He walked over and asked them why this had happened. They explained,

she did not leave for France at all. She was stricken ill with cancer. In her heart, she

had believed that he will make it someday, but she did not want her illness to be his

obstacle ... therefore she had chosen to leave him.

She had wanted her parents to put his paper cranes beside her, because, if the day comes

when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just

wept ...

She had wanted her parents to put his papercranes beside her, because, if the day comes

when fate brings him to her again he can take some of those back with him. The guy just

wept ...

Piggy Revenge

2009-03-28T05:33:00.000-07:00

Shared by Nitin Matte

Military Insurance

2009-03-28T05:27:00.000-07:00

Sergeant Clark was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Rogers noticed that Sergeant Clark had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Clark's sales pitch. Clark explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now", he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

Laying Road

2009-03-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

The Window

2009-03-28T05:03:00.000-07:00

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood.

The next morning, while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hang

the wash outside. That laundry is not very clean, she said, she doesn’t know how to wash

correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap. Her husband looked on, but remained

silent.

Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same

comments.

About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and

said to her husband: Look! She has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her

this.

The husband said: I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows!

And so it is with life:

What we see when watching others, depends on the purity of the window through which we

look.Before we give any criticism, it might be a good idea to check our state of mind and

ask ourselves if we are ready to see the good rather than to be looking for something in

the person we are about to judge.

Learning To Fly

2009-03-27T05:33:00.000-07:00

Blondes picnic

2009-03-27T05:26:00.000-07:00

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.

The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."

The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."

They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.

All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and swerves into the tree to keep from hitting them.

The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

Ocean Frame

2009-03-27T05:10:00.000-07:00

The Power of Giving

2009-03-27T05:01:00.000-07:00

It was a really hot summer's day many years ago. I was on my way to pick up two items at

the grocery store. In those days, I was a frequent visitor to the supermarket because there

never seemed to be enough money for a whole week's food-shopping at once.

I held a part-time job, which barely generated enough money to feed my two young children.

Things were bad -- really bad.

And so it was that day, with a heavy heart and four dollars in my pocket, I was on my way

to the supermarket to purchase a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread. The children were

hungry and I had to get them something to eat. As I came to a red traffic light, I noticed

on my right a young man, a young woman and a child on the grass next to the road. The

blistering noonday sun beat down on them without mercy.

The man held up a cardboard sign which read, "Will Work for Food." The woman stood next to

him. She just stared at the cars stopped at the red light. The child, probably about two

years old, sat on the grass holding a one-armed doll. I noticed all this in the thirty

seconds it took for the traffic light to change to green.

I wanted so desperately to give them a few dollars, but if I did that, there wouldn't be

enough left to buy the milk and bread. Four dollars will only go so far. As the light

changed, I took one last glance at the three of them and sped off feeling both guilty (for

not helping them) and sad (because I didn't have enough money to share with them).

As I kept driving, I couldn't get the picture of the three of them out of my mind. The sad,

haunting eyes of the young man and his family stayed with me for about a mile. I could take

it no longer. I felt their pain and had to do something about it. I turned around and drove

back to where I had last seen them.

I pulled up close to them and handed the man two of my four dollars. There were tears in

his eyes as he thanked me. I smiled and drove on to the supermarket. Perhaps both milk and

bread would be on sale, I thought. And what if I only got milk alone, or just the bread?

Well, it would have to do.

I pulled into the parking lot, still thinking about the whole incident, yet feeling good

about what I had done. As I stepped out of the car, my foot slid on something on the

pavement. There by my feet was a twenty-dollar bill. I just couldn't believe it. I looked

all around, picked it up with awe, went into the store and purchased not only bread and

milk, but several other items I desperately needed.

I never forgot that incident. It reminded me that the universe was strange and mysterious.

It confirmed my belief that you could never out give the universe. I gave away two dollars

and got twenty in return. On my way back from the supermarket, I drove by the hungry family

and shared five additional dollars with them.

This incident is only one of many that have occurred in my life. It seems that the more we

give, the more we get. It is, perhaps, one of those universal laws that say, "If you want

to receive, you must first give."

There is a little rhyme that goes like this:

"A man there was, and they called him mad, The more he gave, the more he had."

Most times, we think that we don't have anything to give. Yet, if we look more closely, we

'll see that even the little we have could be shared with others. Let us not wait for a

time when we think we'll have lots and then we'll give. By giving and sharing the little we

have, we open up the storehouse of the universe and permit rivers of good to come our way.

Don't take my word for it. Just honestly try to give and you'll be surprised at the

results. Generally, the returns do not come back from those we give to. It comes back from

sources we could hardly imagine. So give your way to riches.

Take a chance on this universal principle. Take a chance on yourself. Universal principles

always work.

Sometimes the return from giving happens very quickly as in the true story above. Other

times, it takes much longer. But be assured of this: Give and you will receive -- and

you'll receive lots more than you ever gave.

And when you give, don't do it with a heart of fear, but with a heart full of gratitude.

You will be amazed at how it all works out.

Open the gates of affluence in your life by giving a bit of what you have to those in need.

As the great Teacher said, .Give and it will be given unto you..

Try it. You'll like it.

How To Fail Test With Dignity

2009-03-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

Fairy Godmother

2009-03-26T05:25:00.000-07:00

A Fairy Godmother told a married couple: "For being such an exemplary married couple for 35 years, I will give you each a wish".

"I want to travel around the world with my dearest " said the wife.

The Fairy moved her magic stick and abracadabra! two tickets appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well this moment is very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs So.....I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me".

The wife was deeply disappointed, but a wish was a wish. The Fairy made a circle with her magic stick and.....abracadabra!... Suddenly the husband was 90 years old.

Ice Cream Cone

2009-03-26T05:09:00.000-07:00

The True meaning of PEACE!

2009-03-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of

peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he

really liked, and he had to choose between them.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering

mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this

picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering

mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this

picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.

But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a

crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the

rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest - in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know

why?

"Because," explained the king, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no

noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still

be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace."

How To Fail Test With Dignity

2009-03-25T05:31:00.000-07:00

An Atheist

2009-03-25T05:25:00.000-07:00

There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, “She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn’t she know there isn’t a God?”

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying “Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don’t you know there is no God?” But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, “Humph! I’ll fix her.”

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, “You ol’ crazy lady, God didn’t buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!” At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, “I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn’t know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!”

Horn

2009-03-25T05:08:00.000-07:00

Holding Hands

2009-03-25T04:59:00.000-07:00

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.The father was kind of scared so he asked

his little daughter,'Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the

river.'

The little girl said, 'No, Dad. You hold my hand.'

'What's the difference?' Asked the puzzled father.

'There's a big difference,' replied the little girl.

'If I hold your hand and something happens to me,chances are that I may let your hand go.But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,you will never let my

hand go.'

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.

So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours...
This message is too short........but carries a lot of Feelings.

How To Fail Test With Dignity

2009-03-24T05:29:00.000-07:00

Moses & Jesus

2009-03-24T05:23:00.000-07:00

A burglar broke into a Christian Family 's home one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when he heard a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. After awhile when he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice and finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he whispered to the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? And what is your name?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed.

"What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus."

Face Book

2009-03-24T05:07:00.000-07:00

Scars Of Love

2009-03-24T04:59:00.000-07:00

Some years ago on a hot summer day in south Florida a little boy decided to go for a swim

in the old swimming hole behind his house.

In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes,

socks, and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward

the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His mother, in the house, was looking out the window and saw the two as they got closer and

closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as

she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to

his mother.

It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the

mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That

began an incredible tug-of-war between the two.

The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to

let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot

the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived.

His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were

deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on

to the son she loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him

his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs; and then, with obvious pride, he said to the

reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my

mom wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too.

No, not from an alligator, or anything quite so dramatic. But, the scars of a painful past.

Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But, some wounds, my

friend, are because God has refused to let go.

In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you.

The Scripture teaches that God loves you. But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous

situations. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy

is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-o-war begins - and if you have the scars of His

love on your arms, be very, very grateful. He did not - and will not - let you go.

Cheap Way To Impress Women

2009-03-23T05:29:00.000-07:00

How to Identify the Lab

2009-03-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

Science Professor: You enter a laboratory and see a science experiment. How will you know which science class it is?

Science student:
If it's green and wiggles, the science class is biology.
If it stinks, the class is chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

Holding the Cloud

2009-03-23T05:06:00.000-07:00

The Mental Chain

2009-03-23T04:54:00.000-07:00

Most people are like the circus elephant. Have you ever seen a giant elephant in an indoor

arena tied to a little wooden stake. That huge creature can pick up two thousand pounds

with its trunk, yet it calmly stays tied.

Why?

When that elephant was just a baby, and not very strong, it was tied by a huge chain to an

iron stake that could not be moved. Regardless of how hard it tried, it could not break the

chain and run free. After it a while it just gave up. Later, when it is strong, it never

attempts to break free.

The "imprint" is permanent. "I can't! I can't!' it says.

There are millions of people who behave like this creature of the circus. They have been

bound, tied and told "You'll never make it," so many times they finally call it quits. The

may have dreams, but the "imprinting" keeps pulling them back.

Today, eliminate the source of your limitations. When you mentally break free, the

boundaries will be removed from your future.

Water Pouring Down The Drain - Chalk Painting

2009-03-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

The Shipwreck

2009-03-22T10:45:00.000-07:00

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.

The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It is easy to get discouraged when things are going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground--it just may be a smoke signal that summons The
Grace of God.

Zebra Revenge

2009-03-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

shared by Nitin Matte

0 to 200 In 6 Seconds

2009-03-22T10:30:00.000-07:00

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Sailing In Middle Of Road

2009-03-21T10:51:00.000-07:00

The Two Brothers

2009-03-21T10:44:00.000-07:00

Two brothers worked together on the family farm. One was married and had a large family. The other was single. At the day's end, the brothers shared everything equally, produce and profit.

Then one day the single brother said to himself, "It's not right that we should share equally the produce and the profit. I'm alone and my needs are simple." So each night he took a sack of grain from his bin and crept across the field between their houses, dumping it into his brother's bin.

Meanwhile, the married brother said to himself, "Its not right that we should share the produce and the profit equally.

After all, I'm married and I have my wife and my children to look after me in years to come. My brother has no one, and no one to take care of his future." So each night, he took a sack of grain and dumped it into his single brother's bin.

Both men were puzzled for years because their supply of grain never dwindled. Then one dark night the two brothers bumped into each other. Slowly it dawned on them what was happening. They dropped their sacks and embraced one another.

Pigeon Revenge

2009-03-21T10:36:00.000-07:00

shared by Nitin Matte

Dying Will

2009-03-21T10:29:00.000-07:00

My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to
her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative
state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.
If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer!

Elevator Floor Illusion

2009-03-20T10:50:00.000-07:00

Happiness

2009-03-20T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am in desperate need of help -- or I'll go crazy. We're living in a single room -- my wife, my children and my in-laws. So our nerves are on edge, we yell and scream at one another. The room is a hell."

"Do you promise to do whatever I tell you?" said the Master gravely.

"I swear I shall do anything."

"Very well. How many animals do you have?"

"A cow, a goat and six chickens."

"Take them all into the room with you. Then come back after a week."

The disciple was appalled. But he had promised to obey! So he took the animals in. A week later he came back, a pitiable figure, moaning, "I'm a nervous wreck. The dirt! The stench! The noise! We're all on the verge of madness!"

"Go back," said the Master, "and put the animals out."

The man ran all the way home. And came back the following day, his eyes sparkling with joy. "How sweet life is! The animals are out. The home is a Paradise, so quiet and clean and roomy!"

Mouse Revenge

2009-03-20T10:35:00.000-07:00

shared by Nitin Matte

Blonde Cop

2009-03-20T10:29:00.000-07:00

A blonde female police officer pulls over a blonde gal in a convertible sports car for speeding. She walks up to the car and asks the blonde for her driver's license. The blonde convertible driver searches through her purse in vain. Finally she asks, "What does it look like?"

The blonde police officer tells her, "It's that thing with your picture on it." The blonde driver searches for a few more seconds, pulls out her compact, opens it, and sure enough sees herself.

She hands the compact to the blonde cop. After a few seconds looking at the compact, the blonde cop rolls her eyes, hands the compact back to the blonde convertible driver, and says, "If you would have told me you were a police officer when I first pulled you over, we could have avoided this whole thing."

Boatman Or Bird

2009-03-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

The Old Fisherman

2009-03-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

Our house was directly across the street from the clinic eentrance of John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore. We lived downstairs and rented the upstairs rooms to out patients at the clinic.

One summer evening as I was fixing supper, there was a knock at the door. I opened it to see a truly awful looking man. Why, he's hardly taller than my eight-year-old, I thought as I stared at the stooped, shriveled body. But the appalling thing was his face--lopsided from swelling, red and raw. Yet his voice was pleasant as he said, "Good evening. I've come to see if you've a room for just one night.

I came for a treatment this morning from the eastern shore, and there's no bus 'til morning." He told me he'd been hunting for a room since noon but with no success, no one seemed to have a room. "I guess it's my face...I know it looks terrible, but my doctor says with a few more treatments..." For a moment I hesitated, but his next words convinced me: "I could sleep in this rocking chair on the porch. My bus leaves early in the morning."

I told him we would find him a bed, but to rest on the porch. I went inside and finished getting supper. When we were ready, I asked the old man if he would join us.

"No thank you. I have plenty." And he held up a brown paper bag. When I had finished the dishes, I went out on the porch to talk with him a few minutes. It didn't take a long time to see that this old man had an oversized heart crowded into that tiny body. He told me he fished for a living to support his daughter, her five children, and her husband, who was hopelessly crippled from a back injury. He didn't tell it by way of complaint; in fact, every other sentence was preface with a thanks to God for a blessing. He was grateful that no pain accompanied his disease, which was apparently a form of skin cancer. He thanked God for giving him the strength to keep going.

At bedtime, we put a camp cot in the children's room for him. When I got up in the morning, the bed linens were neatly folded and the little man was out on the porch. He refused breakfast, but just before he left for his bus, haltingly, as if asking a great favor, he said, "Could I please come back and stay the next time I have a treatment? I won't put you out a bit. I can sleep fine in a chair." He paused a moment and then added, "Your children made me feel at home. Grownups are bothered by my face, but children don't seem to mind." I told him he was welcome to come again.

On his next trip he arrived a little after seven in the morning. As a gift, he brought a big fish and a quart of the largest oysters I had ever seen. He said he had shucked them that morning before he left so that they'd be nice and fresh. I knew his bus left at 4:00 a.m. and I wondered what time he had to get up in order to do this for us.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.

In the years he came to stay overnight with us there was never a time that he did not bring us fish or oysters or vegetables from his garden.

When I received these little remembrances, I often thought of a comment our next-door neighbor made after he left that first morning.

"Did you keep that awful looking man last night? I turned him away! You can lose roomers by putting up such people!" Maybe we did lose roomers once or twice. But oh! If only they could have known him, perhaps their illnesses would have been easier to bear.

I know our family always will be grateful to have known him; from him we learned what it was to accept the bad without complaint and the good with gratitude to God.

Mirror Scanning

2009-03-19T10:34:00.000-07:00

Marriage Vows

2009-03-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage.

He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my
Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take
this man to be your husband."

And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your
wife," and my Mom said, "He does."

All Numbers Created Using 4 and 8

2009-03-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Dreams

2009-03-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that that lit up her entire being.

She said, "Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?" I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, have a couple of children, and then retire and travel."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and share a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. "You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change."

"Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose. She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.

Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

Horse Powered Car

2009-03-18T10:34:00.000-07:00

Harmonica

2009-03-18T10:27:00.000-07:00

"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for Christmas," little Joshua said to his uncle the first time he saw him after the holidays.

"It's the best Christmas present I ever got." "Hey, that's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "Mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."

ABC_OR_A 1 3 C

2009-03-17T10:48:00.000-07:00

Positive Thinking

2009-03-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

Jerry is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!" He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant.

The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?" Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.

I choose to be in a good mood. Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

"Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Jerry said. "Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Jerry said. Soon thereafter, I left the restaurant industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Jerry did something you are never supposed to do in a restaurant business: he left the back door open one morning and was held up at gun point by three armed robbers. While trying to open the safe, his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination. The robbers panicked and shot him. Luckily, Jerry was found relatively quickly and rushed to the local trauma center. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets still in his body.

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?" I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was that I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied. "Then, as I lay on the floor, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked. Jerry continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.'

I knew I needed to take action." " What did you do?" I asked. "Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes,' I replied. The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, 'Bullets!' Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.'"

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

George's Heart

2009-03-17T10:33:00.000-07:00

Dead Donkey

2009-03-17T10:27:00.000-07:00

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."

A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron

2 Balls At Same Level

2009-03-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

A Mothers Love

2009-03-16T10:40:00.001-07:00

A little boy came up to his mother in the kitchen one evening while she was fixing supper, and handed her a piece of paper that he had been writing on. After his Mom dried her hands on an apron, she read it, and this is what it said:

For cutting the grass: $5.00
For cleaning up my room this week: $1.00
For going to the store for you: $.50
Baby-sitting my kid brother while you went shopping: $.25
Taking out the garbage: $1.00
For getting a good report card: $5.00
For cleaning up and raking the yard: $2.00
Total owed: $14.75

Well, his mother looked at him standing there, and the boy could see the memories flashing through her mind. She picked up the pen, turned over the paper he'd written on, and this is what she wrote:

For the nine months I carried you while you were growing inside me:
No Charge

For all the nights that I've sat up with you, doctored and prayed for you:
No Charge

For all the nights that were filled with dread, and for the worries I knew were ahead:
No Charge

For the toys, food, clothes, and even wiping your nose:
No Charge

Son, when you add it up, the cost of my love is:
No Charge.

When the boy finished reading what his mother had written, there were big tears in his eyes, and he looked straight at his mother and said, "Mom, I sure do love you." And then he took the pen and in great big letters he wrote: "PAID IN FULL".

Encyclopedia For Sale

2009-03-16T10:33:00.001-07:00

Stolen Turkey

2009-03-16T10:25:00.001-07:00

Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I stole this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"

"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."

"I tried," Brian sobbed, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"

"If what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."

Thanking the Priest, Brian hurried off.

When confession was over, the Priest returned to his residence. When he walked into the kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.

Millipede

2009-03-15T12:12:00.000-07:00

A man buys a millipede from a pet store. The Petshop tells him not to send the millepede outside for any work. The man asks it to clean the floor, finishes it very fast. Next the man asks it to wash the dishes , it finishes it in no time The man then asks the millipede to go to the shop and get a pack of cigarette.

It goes out and doesn't return for hours.

He goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the millipede sitting right outside. What's the story?!' he asks.

The millipede says, 'I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just puttin' on my shoes!'

Move Back About Eight Feet & See the Face Expression Change

2009-03-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

Never Ever Give Up

2009-03-15T10:03:00.000-07:00

Dangerous Curve

2009-03-15T09:59:00.000-07:00

May This Encourage You, Always

2009-03-08T08:08:00.000-07:00

Don't spend major time with minor people.

If there are people in your life who continually disappoint you, break promises, stomp on your dreams, are too judgmental, have different values and don't have your back during difficult times...that is not friendship.

To have a friend, be a friend.
Sometimes in life as you grow, your friends will either grow or go. Surround yourself with people who reflect values, goals interests and lifestyles.

When I think of any of my successes,
I am thankful to God from whom all blessings flow, and to my family and friends who enrich my life.

Over the years my phone book has changed because I changed, for the better.

At first, you think you're going to be alone, but after awhile, new people show up in your life that make it so much sweeter and easier to endure.

Remember what your elders used to say,

"Birds of a feather flock together.
If you're an eagle, don't hang around chickens:
Chickens can't fly!"

2 Parallel Lines

2009-03-08T08:00:00.000-07:00